If they knew what is like to have this thing, maybe they would ease the things. Maybe. They wouldn't laugh. They would help you. One moment you're confident and calm, the other you're silent, shy and embarassed. They probably never will understand unless they live it.
Anger. It comes many times when thinking about it. I always have tried to make this happen like everything can do, but with no success at all. I don't know even from where to start. I carry this for years, and only a few know about it and almost nobody understands. It's foolish to many people, but not for me. It's a frustration and a huge difficulty. I think if I really need to solve this, or return to the traditional (my) way. Maybe just leave it alone... forget. Dunno. The obvious thing is that life would be much more enjoyable if things were different.
Let's see what happens next...
